I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
