I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
