Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
