That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
