apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
