I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
