I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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