I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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