So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
