i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
