I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
