Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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