there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
