for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
