I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
