i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
