yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
