I am in a vortex of obligation.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
