Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The power of my boobs compel you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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