I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
