question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
