I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
