Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
