so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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