sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
