the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
