I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
