turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
