sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
