i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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