I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
