Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
