they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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