Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
