you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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