Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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