i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I love having hate sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
