If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
