guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
cat food counts as protein by the way
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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