this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
