i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
