My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
