Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
