The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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