You just made me feel so damn special
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
