what is it with giant penises always finding me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
