he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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