I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just had sex bonerless
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
