If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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