Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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