I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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