I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
