he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
