The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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