dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Of course I have a pirate flag
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
