I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
