Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
