Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
